David Cross – Movie Smack Talk

After being thoroughly delighted by Keanu, who would have thought my movie going experience would take such a terrible turn? But it did, when some Hollywood producers broke the golden rule of adaptations. Never adapt a movie from a game. Yes, you can do it in the other direction, but as far as I’m concerned, to date no one has given me a convincing movie adaptation of a video game or board game I played. Clue, Mortal Kombat, Wing Commander and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider all have one thing in common. They could never live up to the experience of actually playing the game.

Anyway, in this film, two unlikely heroes (some kind of robot, and a fox thing) team up to fight an evil alien overlord intent on universal destruction. The team then teams up with another team (I know, right?), made of seizure inducing bright colors known as The Galactic Rangers, to save the day.

Again, not nearly as fun as playing the 2002 version of the game. They didn’t even try to deviate from the game story. The storyline is pulled right from it and they changed nothing at all. It’s some pretty damn lazy storytelling, if you ask me.

The animation is good for a video game…but terrible for a movie. I don’t want to go to the movies and feel like I’ve been sent back to 1991, watching my brother hog the Nintendo. I was bored when it happened then, and I was bored in the theater watching this.

You know what it feels like? It feels like someone recorded them beating the game on their PlayStation and expects us to buy it as a movie…even without Pew Die Pie making nonsensical, but weirdly delightful noises in the background. Well I ain’t buying it.

This was a lazy, phoned in effort that cashes in on the nostalgia of aging Millennials while trying to do as little work as possible. You don’t get any more information here than you do in the video game, which leads me to wonder, why watch the movie? I mean, I liked Ratchet and Clank the video game, but not so much that I really cared enough to see them on the big screen.

Also, 94 minutes for a recycled story is a bit excessive. With most movies topping out at 80, it’s a bit stupid to add and additional ten onto the industry standard. Maybe it took the ‘animator’ a bit longer to beat the game.

Whatever, I can’t call this worth the watch and audiences aren’t either. This didn’t even come within a whisper of the top five at the box office and earned a paltry $5 million to date. At least with results this bad, we won’t be subjected to a sequel. If you’re feeling nostalgic, just go play the game.

We Gave it: 1 Star: Official Movie Trailer and Movie Poster Below

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Here’s something I’ve only said about a few third franchises in a chain; I loved this. This is a really good, really clever storyline that unfolds pretty organically. I mean, haven’t we always kind of known Po was adopted? His father was a bird, for Christ sakes.

Well, that loose end gets tied up in Kung Fu Panda 3, where we meet Li (Bryan Cranston) Po’s (Jack Black) long lost dad. The two connect and Po gets to meet up with a whole world of pandas. All is good, until the evil yak Kai (J.K. Simmons) begins challenging Kung Fu masters across the land, and Po had to train an army of Pandas to fight.

I absolutely loved that they managed to take this in a new, fresh direction without forcing a plot point. It really was a very well done story that’s complicated enough to be intriguing, while simple enough for younger viewers to follow. The writing was phenomenal and there are more than a few laugh out loud moments.

Of course, the animation continues to be excellent and adorable. It’s the caliber of animation that’s expected to come from a DreamWorks/Disney effort. Everything about the movie is visually appealing and it would have gotten marks for that alone if the screenplay was crap.

But the screenplay wasn’t crap. It was pretty damn good. I loved the addition of Bryan Cranston, easily one of my favorite actors, and he has a great ‘dad’ voice. He helped to take this movie to a new dimension.

This movie deserved to be the one to beat out The Revenant at the Box Office. It’s just what we need to recover from that movie anyway. It’s cute, it’s fun and it’s intelligently made. This sequel was written with the same care that an original would have been and that made all the difference. It’s rare to see a number three that isn’t a shameless cash grab, and this clearly isn’t. It appears to still be a labor of love for those involved.

If that’s the caliber they keep producing, they can keep putting out one Kung Fu Panda after another forever and never have a straight to video run. Of course, that isn’t really sustainable, so while I enjoyed this movie, I have to say that enjoyment is bittersweet because I’m sure any future Kung Fu Panda movies will come up lacking when compared to this one.

It’s a fun, uplifting movie that’s tied into a neat storyline and will be difficult to beat for any future animated features. Of course, I’m not aware of any coming out soon, so Kung Fu Panda may reign at the box office for some time. This is clearly a collaborative effort, from the artists at DreamWorks, to screenwriters Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger, as well as Yuh Nelson and her co-director, Alessandro Carloni, who collaborated to deliver a terrific, well-paced storyline for Po and his companions.

If you have kids, this one is worth the watch. Heck, it’s one that’s worth the watch even if you don’t have kids.
This is absolutely worth the watch, though you may want to get comfortable. You’re going to be there awhile.

WE GIVE IT: 4.5 STARS!