It is never a good sign when a movie isn’t screened for critics in advance. It’s also never a good sign when the producers dump a large budget production into theaters without doing any marketing at all. It’s pretty much the movie world’s equivalent of saying ‘this is terrible, but we spent too much making it to back out now. Let’s just hope no one notices.’
Remember that movie “As Above, So Below?” Yeah, take the entire premise of that and replace the French catacombs with a pyramid instead. In this movie, we follow father and daughter archaeologists Miles and Nora Holden (Denis O’Hare and Ashley Hinshaw). These two discover a triangular based pyramid, that predates the more modern square based ones. Exciting. Then, they send in a rover, but the rover inexplicably breaks down. At this point in most horror movies, a smart group of people would say “yep, angry ancient spirits did that. Let’s just pack up and leave.” Of course, if they did that, there wouldn’t be a movie. Instead, the daddy/daughter archaeologists head on into the pyramid. And they remembered to bring their very own documentary team!
On the upside, they don’t go full on found footage, which I absolutely hate. Instead, Gregory Levasseur, who was making his directorial debut, opts to buck the tiresome trend. That was probably a wise decision. This movie is already bad enough. Adding in some tired found footage would only make it worse. Not to say they don’t go for it. Instead, they go for a higher end documentary feel. The problem is, it’s still incredibly poorly lit and much of the movie occurs in darkness.
The movie is poorly written. The thing that gives them the need to go into the pyramids in the first place was the expensive rover that they borrowed from NASA. Yup, NASA let a bunch of archeologists borrow a rover. Apparently, anyone can borrow one. All you have to do is leave your driver’s license at the office for the day and promise to give it back in the same condition you got it in.
Please note that was a joke. Do not ask NASA if you can borrow a rover. They generally aren’t that friendly with handing over million dollar pieces of equipment to anyone.
The dialog is terrible. Here’s a sample “Stop being an archaeologist and start being human!” My only consolation was the women who spewed that stupid phrase was eaten by a monster like 10 seconds later. I considered it a mercy killing.
The acting is about the same level as a high school musical. No, not High School Musical the movie. I’m talking one of those high school musicals, at a school without much money, where everyone gets a part so they can feel included…while the kids in detention man the lights.
To top it off, they throw in some terrible CGI at the end. The God of Death Anubis appears in order to destroy everyone… or maybe just return the rover before the 5 pm cut off time. I don’t know, from that point, I wasn’t paying attention. But I will say Anubis was laugh out loud funny. Though I doubt that was what they were going for.
This is one worth skipping. There’s literally nothing that was done right in the movie. Poor dialog, effects and story all come together to make this horror only really horrifying to the people who paid to have it made.
We Gave it: 1 Star: Official Movie Trailer and Movie Poster Below
[youtube id=”v0Yo9xasRKg” width=”680″ height=”383″]
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