Movie Review: By the Sea (2015) – It Might Have Made a Better Photo Than a Movie.

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By the Sea is a retro-style film that seems to be mirrored after arthouse films, in some kind of boring parody. Even the presence of Hollywood’s most beautiful couple can’t make it interesting.

Anyway, this is a story of an uber-rich couple that needs to get away from a mysterious family tragedy (though honestly, I pegged it in the first ten minutes) and decides to go on a beach vacation to the South of France. There, they meet a younger, happier couple and you wait for the swinger’s party to start.

This is like an overdone porno that’s all lead and no payoff. I’ll say that Jolie and Pitt play a good rich married couple…because duh. I just wasn’t that invested in them and didn’t particularly care about them. You spend half the movie waiting for them to talk, and then when they do, you just want them to shut up.

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I will say it’s a beautiful movie. That seems to be Jolie’s go to. Lots of beauty without much interest behind it. There’s gorgeous panning shots, pretty poses and elegant despair. It’s all incredibly beautiful. There’s a ton of nudity and sexual tension. I think it might have been a better photo than a movie. As a movie, it just doesn’t work for me. It’s an incredibly boring effort.

I think someone needs to tell Jolie that pretty isn’t everything. You need a story. There’s not one here. The tension doesn’t build and the dialog is awful. Heck, the reason the couple is so rich is because Pitt’s supposed to be this world famous writer.

But he talks like a world weary tax accountant. The dialog just doesn’t carry the movie. As a result, it feels like nothing more than a 90 minute photo session of Jolie, while she’s suffering from a serious case of depression.

Literally, like 80 minutes of the run time is watching Jolie move from one chaise lounge to another, draping her arm over her forehead and wondering about the emptiness of it all.

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Also, it’s a bit weird that these two are married. How can a married couple have this little on-screen chemistry? I mean, it wasn’t just bad in this particular film. It was bad all the way back in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I really think they should stop making movies together. There’s just something about having the two of them together in a movie that doesn’t work. It doesn’t make sense. They’re both beautiful, reasonably adept actors. It’s just something about the chemical reaction of them together that doesn’t carry over to film.

This movie is fun to look at, but not much fun to watch. The best I can suggest is to play it in the background when you want something to look at. The story is tedious, the dialog clumsy and sluggish and the characters poorly formed. Sometimes, even the best director and the best stars in a movie can’t fix an awful screenplay.

This is one of those times.
WE GAVE IT: 2.5 Stars

2.5 Stars

 

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Movie Review: 300: Rise of an Empire (2014)

300-Rise-of-an-Empire-2014-Movie-Poster-600x886Worth the wait

Star Ratings

It’s been 7 years since 300 was released. This follow up is the much anticipated sequel, so let’s see now if it was worth the wait.

In 300: Rise of an Empire, Themistokles (Sullivan Stapleton) tries to unite Greece against an army of invading Persian forces. Complications arise, as these forces are led by mortal-turned-god Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro), and Artemisia (Eva Green), the vengeful, yet incredibly sexy, commander of the Persian navy.

First, much props for creating a kick-ass bad girl evil villain. Artemisia is one part Goth and two parts Amazon, as she storms around, looking broody and crazy. At one point, she has a guy beheaded, then kisses the head, and then flings it away like it’s garbage. Eva Green is so much more than just a Bond girl, and she proved that in her bad assed interpretation of Artemisia. This girl villain was not just your standard leather wearing violent sex fantasy. She had a back-story and a good one at that. They developed the hell out of this character and made her truly three dimensional. No joke, she made the movie.

Ok, enough of my drooling over Eva Green.

Visually, the movie was gritty and gorgeous. The fight scenes were well choreographed and brutally gory, just the way I like them. The sepia-toning over the blood spilling was pure art in contrast and really captured the graphic novel feel of the movie.

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I don’t know if it was because Eva Green was so very good, or if the male characters weren’t fleshed out enough, but she really steals the show. In a ‘hero v villain’ war movie, I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to root for the hero.

But I was team Artemisia all the way.

Stapleton was no match for Green’s acting prowess and he came across as a cardboard advertisement for masculinity. He was hard to sympathize with as he really had no outstanding characteristics as far as I remember.

I also didn’t see the point of Xerxes’ character. He mainly just stood on the sidelines and watched Artemisia do all the work. The scene where he obtains his god like powers in a spa (not making this up) is just plain laughable.

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The movie is a bloodbath that is a little bit gorier than it needed to be. I mean, I really don’t need slow motion blood spilling to let me know someone is dead. I’m pretty sure I could have worked that conclusion out on my own, especially considering the sword sticking out of their chest.

Weirdly, I actually liked the sequel way more than I liked 300. Of course, I probably liked it more due to the addition of Eva Green as Artemisia. I don’t know if you could tell this from reading the review, but I really, really thought she was fantastic.

Regardless, this is one hell of an entertaining movie. It’s currently sitting at number 1 in the box office, and I think it earned its spot. It’s not smart, it’s a little over the top gory, and it’s certainly not art. But it’s highly entertaining and is guaranteed to keep any action lover glued to the screen.  Watch the official trailer below.

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