The Vicious Brothers – Movie Smack Talk

Just a quick question. When has the statement “hey, what was that light that just came out of the sky and crashed somewhere in the woods? Let’s go investigate it!” turned out well for anyone involved? I mean, let’s be honest. It’s never a brand new Lexus filled with beer and Supermodels, is it? It’s always some kind of horrible baddy from outer space, here to reap destruction on the human race.

So why do people keep investigating? Seriously people, if you’re alone in the woods at night and you see a mysterious shooting star, don’t head towards it. Head away. Hell, best case scenario, you’re going to find a big old wad of frozen airplane poop. It is not worth risking your life.

Public service announcement aside, let’s give you the premise. Virginal April (Brittney Allen) is having trouble dealing with her parent’s divorce. Her friends decide what she needs is some quiet time in the woods. Of course, enter mysterious sky light, and her dumb as a door nail boyfriend (Freddie Stroma) leads the group into the woods so they can all get serial killed by aliens.

Whoops, spoiler alert. Although it’s not much of one, because I promise this. Based on the style choice in lighting, you’re going to have a very hard time telling what the heck is going all. Periods of pitch black are broken by flickering flashlights and flares and of course, spaceship lights. For the most part, you’ll spend the movie squinting at the screen, wondering if you’re going blind.

Relax, you aren’t. The directors are just that clueless. Just so you know, all that thrashing you hear? Yeah, that’s aliens murdering people.

The script was pretty much recycled from every horror movie ever made, with absolutely nothing unusual. The aliens are your standard, long limbed, slimy freaks that you see on black light posters. The cast is made of up your regular horror movie stereotypes, without managing to actually poke fun at the stereotypes, and literally not one original thing happens in this entire movie. They couldn’t even resist the completely clichéd, completely over done anal probe joke.

If I was forced to say something nice about this movie, I’d have to point out that at least most of the movie was in focus and there was very little found footage. Also, Brittney Allen is still pretty, even when she’s covered in alien goo.

If it has been a tongue in cheek movie, where they were actually making fun of how heavily clichéd it was, it might have worked. But that sad fact is, about 3 minutes into watching you come to the horrifying realization that these guys were dead serious when they made this. That fact is way scarier than any of the overdone jump scares or ‘frightening’ rustling noises.

If you’re interested in seeing this movie, I could probably suggest that you see…pretty much any movie ever done in the genre before this one. If you’re looking a twist, I’ll suggest Killer Clowns From Outer space. But as for Extraterrestrial, don’t bother to investigate the mysterious bright light that just crashed into the ground. I assure you, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.