Movie Review: Noah (2014)

NOAH-Movie-PosterGladiator Gets Religion

3.5 stars

Everyone’s favorite bible story is back again. This new installment stars the even-tempered Russell Crow are the movie’s headliner.

Noah is the story of an animal hoarder (Russell Crowe) who builds a giant boat to store all his animals. Ok, well it’s a bit more complex than that. The film pretty much follows the bible story. Noah needs to build a boat for the flood. Everyone around him, including wife Naameh (Jennifer Connelly, Crowe’s “A Beautiful Mind” co-star) is skeptical. But they help anyway, because it was wacky bible times.

I’m not a particularly religious person, so I hate it when a film feels like it has the agenda to convert me. This one doesn’t do that. Instead, it follows Noah for the story that it is. While believers might find their opinions validated, those who don’t won’t feel like they’re getting the door-to-door hard sell.

Maybe that’s because the movie stars Russell Crowe. The same Russell Crow who gets into bar fights like they are a hobby and has a passionate opinion on circumcision. I just find it very hard to take a religious agenda from that guy seriously. Crowes natural ability to seem a little grey and depressed plays well into the part of Noah. He reminded me a lot of the part he played in Gladiator.

Come to think of it, every movie he’s in reminds me of the part he played in Gladiator.

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I will say that the movie dragged a bit. There were some seriously terrifying moments at the beginning of the flood, but not much after except for water sloshing and everyone looking wet and miserable. Weirdly, I missed a lot of this movie because I had to get up and go to the bathroom 75 times.

The special effects varied. In some cases, like the flood, they were pretty good. In others, i.e. the Garden of Eden snake, they were nearly laughable. Also, rock monsters? Were there rock monsters in the bible story? If so, there shouldn’t have been because those were just plain stupid. One minute, you feel like you’re watching an action packed mass disaster movie. The next, you feel like you’re in an episode of Xena Warrior Princess.

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However, when the movie stays away from strict fantasy and focuses on action packed scenes, it shines. If it had been filmed for pure action, Noah would be an absolute winner.

As a side note, this movie fails to answer the age old question “does god like fish better?” Think about it. He chose to flood the planet, effectively eliminating every species that didn’t have gills. Are fish God’s angels?

Sorry, off topic, but it needed to be said.

Anyway, when not in CGI, Noah is a good movie to watch. The story is interesting, though it could have moved a little faster. The action scenes were tense and exciting. Russell Crowe is his usual surly self. This movie has commercial success written all over it and is currently performing at number 1 in the box office.

Watch the Official Trailer for the movie below:

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