Oh, when oh when will we learn? Look, there’s never a good reason to bring giant, carnivorous animals back. What do the scientists in Jurassic anything keep saying to themselves?
“What’s the worst that could happen? So maybe they could break free and devour a school bus full of kids. That’s not going to happen. Except that it’s already happened…three times. Maybe we should try again anyway, just to be sure.”
That’s literally what has to be going through these scientist’s heads, but we’re supposed to believe that in order to advance the plot. What’s the plot? Here’s my best synopsis. Forgive me for any spoilers.
The dinosaurs break free and eat people.
Yes, there’s the same cardboard cutout cast. Harried career woman, idealistic guy, scientist predicting doom, you know, the regulars. They give them inane dialog and spew out lots of info dumps. They try to cram in as many clichés as possible and the entire plot is propelled by coincidence or people being idiots, or both.
I will give them this. Jurassic World does not hold itself back, despite how implausible the plot. It knows where it shines and where it shines is the special effects.
Those will kind of blow your mind. They’re the kind where, even though you know something is going to happen, you flinch anyway. The dinosaurs are so well done, I kind of suspected Universal of really cloning them. They’ve even gotten them right down to that eerie intelligence. The kind where you know, just know, they’re thinking about eating someone.
Then they do and it erupts into almost an artistic orgy of violence. Of course, they keep it PG-13, but what’s America’s standard for PG-13? My guess would be you’re not allowed to film really killing someone but anything else goes. Just don’t let them see any nipple.
For concerned parents, this movie is nipple free…unless you’re talking about dinosaur nipples. I don’t know what those look like.
I forgave Jurassic World for their implausible plot. This is a rarity for me, but in this case, following the formula actually worked. They’ve hit the nail on the head by following one simple, but genius theory.
People will never, ever get sick of watching dinosaurs eat people.
So I give this movie five stars on special effects alone. The plot is terrible. The characters are awful and the best actors, by far, are the dinosaurs. Don’t try to follow the plot or any of the side stories. Just open your mind to the stunning visuals and tune out for an hour and a half.
Yes, I know this movie was only made to cash in on the massive success of the others. It’s absolutely a shameless cash grab. An attempt to wring more money out of the franchise.
But it worked. Even with everyone knowing why, it’s still working. Jurassic World pulled in $208 million on its opening weekend. Those shameless grifters at Universal got me again.
So why am I not angry? Because Universal delivered the thing I wanted. They delivered dinosaurs eating people.
Who could ask for anything more?
WE GAVE IT : 3 STARS! Watch the Official Trailer and See the Official Movie Poster below
