Movie Review: Godzilla (2014)

Published On May 25, 2014 » 24430 Views» By admin »

344757,xcitefun-godzilla-movie-poster-5 The beginning and the end are entirely two different movies

2 Stars

You know what made the original Godzilla awesome? How much it sucked. Terrible special effects, laughable dialog that didn’t match the actor’s lips, and a ridiculous premise joined together to create an absolutely platinum standard in ‘so bad they’re good’ movies.

The movie starts in the late 90s, with Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston), an American engineer who works at a nuclear power plant near Mount Fuji. Earthquakes are ripping through the Philippines and moving their way to Japan. As a result of these tremors, Brody’s plant breaks apart with much bloodshed. Then comes 15 years of brooding, as Brody can’t get past that day. We get to watch the fascinating site of him studying charts and zoology books. For all this buildup, we get to watch some tremors before finally, monsters show up.

And we root for the monsters because by now, we just want this awful movie to end.

This movie is a lot like being served a strange multiple course meal. The beginning is a soft boiled egg, boring and tedious and not too hard on your digestion. Then, all the sudden, the chef comes back and dumps 17 gallons of extra spicy jambalaya in front of you.

godzilla-attacks-golden-gate

The beginning and the end are entirely two different movies. And for a movie that is called Godzilla, you would actually expect to occasionally see Godzilla.

Turning this classic into a major motion picture does not work. Anyone remember the mistake they made in the 90s with Matthew Broderick? Terrible…

Look, if they really want to remake Godzilla, they need to make it in the spirit it was intended. Screw the plotline, get to the monster quickly, and then have it destroy things for no reason while a bunch of confused looking extras run around screaming.

It worked for Cloverfield. I hear that movie cost $49.99 to film. Seriously, all they used was an iPhone and a lizard.

godzilla-nature-has-an-order-trailer-1

 

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This movie was a joke and it doesn’t seem to understand the spirit of the original Godzilla at all. Instead, it bores us for the first 45 minutes, and then barrages us with way too many things for the second half. I could not keep all the monsters straight and to be entirely honest, I don’t know if this is racist to monsters, but they all looked the same to me.

If you just want to watch some stuff get thrown around, then I would recommend watching the first 10 minutes of this movie, and the last half an hour. But if you were a fan of the original, chances are you won’t be a fan of this one. In fact, it will probably remind you a lot of the mistake they made in the late 1990s trying to do one of these.

Hollywood, if you want to make a successful Godzilla, I highly recommend getting away from the convoluted plot lines and high end special effects. Instead, you need to make your movie a symphony of badness. B actors, plot turns that make no sense, and monsters that look like puppets are the way to go. Because the truth is Godzilla isn’t supposed to be scary. It’s supposed to be so bad it’s scary.  Watch the Official Trailer below:

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