Movie Review: As Above, So Below (2014) – Tombraider Without the Action and ‘Blair Witch’ Without the Runny Nose

Published On September 6, 2014 » 2041 Views» By admin »

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Believe it or not, I watched this gem over Labor Day weekend.  Unlike the 4th of July, no companies wanted to release movies on Labor Day weekend. Yeah, I don’t get it either, but whatever. I mention this because until recently, I’ve been trying to boycott found footage movies. I find that Hollywood is overrun with them, despite that fact that just about no one wants to see them anymore. But this week, As Above, So Below was the big budget horror release, so I figured I’d give it a shot. After all, at the very least, I’d get to write a hilarious bad review out of it.

As Above, So Below is a horror set in the miles of twisting catacombs beneath the streets of Paris. These catacombs, as most people know, contain a whole butt-load of dead bodies. So of course a team of explorers with their very own camera head on down to get murdered there.

There is one single good thing about this movie. The setting. The setting is naturally creepy, so putting a horror movie in it seems like a great idea.

Well, at least it did until this movie was made. Things happen that are supposed to be scary, but just leave you bored. A spooky rotary phone appears out of nowhere. Masked figures roam the halls. The deeper the team goes into the catacombs, the more confusing everything gets.

Found footage (god, so sick of that gimmick) does not work in a cave setting, mainly because people can’t see anything. So for the majority of the movie, you sit in the dark and listen to scary things rustle. Oh no! Not rustling.

The biggest horror I faced when watching the movie was getting motion sickness. With the way the camera jounces around without settling, you’ll probably get sick too. Be sure to pack your Dramamine.

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This is a movie that’s set in a traditional horror setting, then tries to go psychological thriller. The problem with that is the two don’t work together. I’m expecting scary monsters. Not cryptic rhyming poetry and a ghost phone.

The catacomb spelunkers bring nothing to the film. They’re simply a generic group of clichés that reminds us all of that horrible film “The Blair Witch project” which I’m still convinced only became popular by people playing tricks on friends by claiming it was good and forcing them to watch it.

Hollywood, it wasn’t good. It was awful. Please stop.

 

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I really don’t understand using a setting as beautiful as Paris and then going with the tired found footage technique. For the majority of the movie, you can barely see anything. They could have filmed this thing in a WalMart and no one would have been the wiser.

Oh god, and the forced conflict. One of the main characters George is deathly afraid of caves…because fear of caves is a very common phobia when you consider how many we come across in our every day life. But his fear is founded because as a child he saw his younger brother drown in a cave.

That’s right, the cave didn’t collapse on the younger brother. He drowned…in a cave. That’s like being trapped in a burning building and dying because you got locked in the freezer.

In short, the movie is Tombraider without the action and The Blair Witch Project without the runny nose. It’s a tired, recycled forgettable effort that will leave you suppressing yawns rather than screams.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

 

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