Movie Review: Saving Mr. Banks (2013)

movies_saving-mr-banks-posterDisney for the Sake of Disney

3.5 stars

I always feel a bit weird when I watch a movie about the making of another movie. Seems like it should be some kind of paradox.

In Saving Mr. Banks, the story of how the movie Mary Poppins was made is told. In it, Tom Hanks plays Walk Disney, a man desperate to get his hands on the movie rights to the story of Mary Poppins. However, in true crazy writer fashion, the author of the book P.L. Travers (Emma Thompson) refuses to give up her work. It isn’t until she’s running low on money that she finally caves and allows it to get done.

The movie comes with a patented upbeat feel that you can expect from Walt Disney. Though the sap gets laid on a little thick at times, it’s Disney. What more can you expect?

Hanks plays Disney with surprising warmth and sentimentality. When playing Disney, he plays a man more focused on seeing his daughters dreams come true than he is on making money.

Travers was played by an equally good Emma Thompson. Emma makes her unreasonable character both amusing and just a tad obnoxious.

My main problems with the film were what I like to call ‘the Disney Whitewash’. This happens whenever Disney creates a film from real life events. The characters become one-dimensional and flat. Travers was unreasonable. Disney was everyone’s favorite uncle who insisted that employees called him ‘Walt’. [more…]

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I mean, I’m not saying that the producers should have delved into the anti Semitism allegations around Walt Disney, but couldn’t the characters have a bit more of an edge?

Travers was given the real twist though. In real life, she was an interesting woman who led an exciting life. In this movie, for the purposes of plot continuity, she is turned into an uptight church lady who lives alone in a big Victorian mansion, a victim of her own guilt.

If they are going to attempt to make a movie based on real events, I wish they’d attempt to be a bit truer to the characters that started the events in the first place.

Director John Lee Hancock (Blind Side) knows his way around heartwarming, so he’ll manage to get viewers chocked up more than once. Per usual, his direction was flawless.

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So why did I feel like I was getting run over by the corporate propaganda machine? This is not a behind the scenes tell all movie. This is clearly a movie designed by Disney, to make Disney look good. For example, despite being a complete pain in the a** for the first half of the movie, Travers inexplicably changes her mind about the movie and decides to accept all the changes.

That’s not the real life story, and honestly, I’m pretty sure the real P.L. Travers is spinning in her friggen grave.

All that aside, it’s a decent story. If you can ignore the innate sleaziness of a movie studio making a movie about how great their movie studio is, Saving Mr. Banks might be worth the watch.

Watch the trailer below.  If you have seen the movie rate, review and earn some points.

Movie Review: Hours (2013)

Hours 1Maybe Walker’s Best Performance

4 stars

I felt the need to see this film because it was one of the last released films starring Paul Walker, who passed away following a car accident on November 30, 2013. Released posthumously, it might be one of the last opportunities to see Paul Walker play something beside a guy driving a car really fast.

Hours is a suspenseful twister based during Hurricane Katrina. In it, Nolan Hayes (Walker) rushes his pregnant wife Abigail (Genesis Rodriguez) to the hospital on a very unlucky day to go into labor, i.e. August 29, 2005. To top it off, Hayes’ daughter is premature and must be on a ventilator until her lungs are fully formed. Normally, that wouldn’t be a problem, but when Hurricane Katrina bashes in the windows of the hospital lobby, it becomes a problem. As the power dies and Nolan has to keep his daughter alive with a hand crank respirator, he is forced to fend off looters and fight to stay awake.

Of course, the movie isn’t all tension. As the storm rages and Nolan tries to keep his daughter alive, he tells the store about how he and Abigail met, which is a cute rom/com story that shouldn’t fit, but does. [more…]

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One of the biggest tragedies of this movie is that Paul Walker will never get to get the praise he so deserved for his performance. It is no exaggeration to say this is the best performance of Paul Walkers career. I’m not just giving him ‘dead guy’ sympathy. If he was terrible, I would have just said he was terrible. Instead, he was fantastic and it’s a damn shame that he won’t be able to carry on what was an incredibly promising career.

Hours is a virtual one-man-show but it manages to stay suspenseful and captivating. In addition, it focuses on Katrina without exploiting Katrina, which is a hard balance when dealing with any kind of disaster movie.

Also many props are due to screenwriter Eric Heisserer. It’s surprising that this movie was so compelling; considering that his only other credits include movies like Final Destination 5 and that awful Nightmare on Elm Street remake. Apparently, Walker wasn’t the only one expanding his range with this movie.

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My one big gripe of this film was the death of Abigail, who dies in childbirth. It was way too much of a forced plot device. If this had been set in Victorian England, in the 1800’s, I would understand the ‘died in childbirth’ plot. However, it was set in Louisiana in 2005…before Katrina. If the wife had been killed as a result of the storm, it would have made a bit more sense then just a passing mention that she died in childbirth.

This film is both a triumph and a tragedy. Walker was clearly trying to break out of his Fast and Furious mold and return to the more compelling parts he played, like in Pleasantville or Flags of Our Fathers. And break of out the mold he did. If only he had lived long enough to reap the benefits.

Watch the Hours trailer below.  If you have seen the movie – Leave a review and earn some points. 

Movie Review: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013)

Hobbit_the_desolation_of_smaug_ver15_xlg 5Nerdifyingly Satisfying!

four and a half stars

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is the second in line of the Hobbit trilogy, and it looks like this trilogy franchise is going to be just as good, if not better than its predecessor, the Lord of the Rings.

In movie 2, we are again following the hobbit Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman), as he journeys along with partner Gandalf (Ian McKellan), thirteen dwarves and Thorin (Richard Armitage) as they quest to reclaim the lost dwarf kingdom of Erebor.

Oh God, I just developed asthma and a desire to play “Magic; The Gathering” as I wrote that last paragraph. However, even though it sounds nerdy, it’s actually just plain awesome.

Let’s get started with the visual awesomeness, which probably could have carried the movie on its own, if the acting had been bad. Director Peter Jackson again gives us a world that is whimsical, without making it too over the top. Filmed in New Zealand, the scenery stays realistic, but keeps up the otherworldly feel necessary for a fantasy based movie. [more…]

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Onto the screenplay, which was a loose adaptation of the actual book. The screenplay was a bit more mature than the original slim novel, but that was necessary for the more adult movie going crowd. For example, when female elf Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly) is searching one of the characters after capturing them, they have the following exchange;

“Aren’t you going to search me?” Kili (Aidan Turner) asks. “I could have anything down my trousers.”

“Or nothing” Tauriel replies.

Elf/dwarf sexual tension aside, the movie features snappy dialog and just enough comic relief to ease the tension and keep the laughs coming.

Freeman shines again as the loveable hobbit Bilbo Baggins and I think it is safe to say we can’t expect anything less than brilliance from Ian McKellan. My only gripe was than Gandalf spent too much time off screen. Hopefully, he’ll be around for a lot more in the 3rd installment.

In case you were wondering about the title “The Desolation of Smaug”, “Smaug’ isn’t a town. It’s a dragon. A talking dragon, to be specific, voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch.

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I also enjoyed the addition of a strong female character. Tauriel was never a part of the books and to be honest, most of Tolkien’s books were male-centered, with very few females taking any serious leads, aside from pining away, waiting for their man-folk to come home. I appreciated the fact that the writers were able to write a strong female character, and still make her fit the background of the story.

For those who were disappointed by the first version of The Hobbit, they can rest assured that number 2 in the series really ups its game. I think a big part of this comes from Jackson taking some major risks with the screenplay, which really paid off in the end.

A word of warning to those who aren’t familiar with the way these movies work, expect a mass groan from the audience at the end, as it does end in a pretty hefty cliffhanger. It’s the kind of cliffhanger that makes you want to tear your hair out. Instant gratification types should probably wait until the whole series is available on video.

Here’s the trailer below.  If you have seen the movie, leave a review and earn some points!!

Review: Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas (2013)

Madea Christmas  movie posterThe Great Exploitation

2.5 Stars

I want to start this review off by saying I love Madea. She is the elderly, angry black woman that I would like to grow to be some day. In almost every version of Madea, I have found something redeeming to enjoy. So it is with a very heavy heart that I must say I can not recommend A Madea Christmas to even die hard fans of the franchise.

In this installment, it’s road trip time for Madea. She is traveling with her adult niece Eileen (Anna Maria Horsford), from Atlanta to rural Alabama to surprise Eileen’s daughter Lacey (Tika Sumpter). However, Lacey has secretly gotten married…to white guy Connor (Eric Lively).It has all the standard Madea shenanigans, and Madea goes off on a tangent more than once, eventually saving the day with her age old, slightly threatening wisdom.

So why didn’t I like it? It has all the standard Madea fueled moments, but I guess this time, the jokes felt a bit thin. It was as if the whole story was cobbled together so Tyler Perry could get a Christmas movie out in December, just in time for the holiday movie rush. [more…]

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The central issue in the story is Eileen’s racism, and dealing with her daughters surprise interracial marriage. It watches like an attempt to follow the much better “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”. Unfortunately, the clumsy attempt turned Eileen into a racist caricature, spewing out bigoted, classist statements and uttering venom at every turn. I spent the majority of the movie wondering why Lacey didn’t toss her mother out on her ass.

Meanwhile, while this movie seems to be trying to teach a lesson about race, its lofty expectations fall short, because Lacey moved to a completely backwards tiny town in Alabama, where every single white person is an ignorant, three tooth hillbilly with a closet full of KKK robes. The alleged genius Conner’s dad is Larry the Cable Guy.

I wish that guy would just stick to doing heartburn commercials.

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While the acting certainly isn’t Broadway caliber, it never has been in any Madea franchise, and I hardly expected this one to be any different. However, the acting in this one was just plain terrible. Even Tyler Perry’s Madea seemed off. The only person who was remotely believable was Larry the Cable Guy, and that’s only because he spent the majority of the movie gagging up his tired, overused lines from his stand up career. Hey Larry the Cable Guy? You’re a dumb white guy. We get it. You don’t see Jeff Foxworthy still stumbling around telling ‘you might be a redneck jokes,’ do you? Then just stop. The redneck movement is over.

Haphazard subplots about racism, reverse racism, the true meaning of Christmas (hint; it’s all about Jesus) abound. While Madea is usually good for a laugh, this one was just not worth it. It mainly felt like it was cobbled together from as many half written screenplays as Tyler Perry could find, and then released in a hurry in order to get that sweet, sweet Christmas movie revenue.

And Tyler Perry wants to lecture us about the true meaning of Christmas?

Watch the trailer below.  If you have seen the movie, leave a review and earn some points!

Movie Review: Oldboy (2013)

josh-brolin-oldboy-poster-600Oldboy or should I say “Ohhh Boy”

2.5 Stars

Oldboy is a psychological thriller, which tries a bit too hard to be a psychological thriller.

The premise is this. For no reason that he knows Joe Doucett (Josh Brolin) was kidnapped and locked away in solitary confinement for 20 years. Then, with no explanation, he was abruptly released. So begins his search for reason…

And so begins my mighty yawn.

This film is actually a remake from a 2003 movie, which was made from a comic. Have you ever made a copy, of a copy, and then made a copy of that? You ever notice how terrible that last copy is? I think that’s what happened here.

The first problem is Brolin, who wanders around with the same slightly angry, but slightly bored look on his face. Seriously, I don’t think his expression changed once and I started to wonder if he’d had every muscle in his face botoxed.

Also, much like the original, much of this film is improbable. A guy who had been trapped in a hotel room for 20 years has the fighting skills to beat the hell out of a group of bad guys, with nothing more than a hammer. Has no one in this movie heard of muscle atrophy and the damage that lack of sufficient sunlight can cause to muscles? [more…]

Guess not.

I’m all for violence, but I’m also all for the cut away. For example, in a good movie, when someone takes a shotgun blast to the face, the camera ‘cuts away’. In torture porn, there is no cut away. They just film it in the hopes of shocking 12 year olds.

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I’m not really sure what this movie is, either. Is it a psycho thriller, is it action, is it a comic book? Then I realized that I didn’t care and just stared blankly at the screen until it was over.

Every character is a cliche. Bad guy Adrian (Sharlto Copley) practically spent the movie twirling his mustache and tying damsels in distress to train tracks. His female sidekick spent her time being angry, sexy and slightly Asian.

It was hard to believe this was a Spike Lee movie. Generally, I can expect some kind of unique twist, with a bit of macabre humor. Instead, I just got a protagonist I didn’t care about, fighting people I didn’t care about, for a kid I didn’t care about.

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Also, what exactly is so scary about being locked in a motel room with a bottle of booze and a TV? I don’t call that a thriller. I call that a vacation.

This was really a sub par remake of a movie that wasn’t that great to begin with. It’s only been 10 years since the first version came out, and it was way better. By ‘way better’, I don’t mean it was great. I mean way better in the way a movie based on a Nicholas Sparks novel is better than a Lifetime romantic comedy. They’re both terrible, but one wasn’t as terrible.

Oldboy wasn’t good enough to warrant a remake. Honestly, I wouldn”t even recommend picking up the comic book.
Watch the trailer below.

Movie Review: Homefront (2013)

homefont 001Home Front? I should have Stayed Home

2.5 Stars

If we have learned anything from movies, it is that all small towns are filled with drug dealers, serial killers, racists, ghosts, rampant child molesters and more. Based on the movies, most people would be safer living in South Station in Boston, rather than settling down in a sleepy small town. Enter Homefront.

Homefront is the story of a retired DEA Agent Phil Broker (Jason Statham) who moves to a small Louisiana town with his precocious, wise beyond her years, daughter Maddie (Izabela Vidovic). There, he does battle with Gator (James Franco) the boy next door drug lord, his trashy girlfriend (Winona Rider) and his white trash addict sister (Kate Bosworth)

The screenplay and the dialog were so poorly written, I was like ‘who the hell wrote this? Sylvester Stallone?’ Then I realized this was actually the case. This is an action movie that is clearly stuck in the 80’s, where the overreactions of the characters are necessary to move the plot forward.

For example, all the bloodshed starts because Broker’s 9-year-old daughter punched a boy in the nose. Then, Broker goes all alpha-male and starts smashing faces. Normally, not something I have a problem with. But if you’re going action, go all action.

Jesus Stallone, you should know this stuff by now! [more…]

Oh, God, and the dialog. Let’s be honest, I’m hardly expecting Shakespeare, but can’t anyone get a few good wisecracking lines, like in “The Last Boyscout’? In one scene, Broker warns “I want Middies’ cat back…not a hair out of place.” There was an endless opportunity for humor and some serious double entendre in there, but Stallone didn’t seem to get there. There is 0 comic relief and 0 clever dialog in this clichéd clusterf&8k.

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Also, the filming could have been done better. In the required action movie climactic scene, you can’t really see a thing. All you can do is hear it. The climax is a weird, writhing Greco Roman fighting match, played out in the dark, which will make most people wonder if they’re actually watching gay porn.

I’m sick of darkly serious action movies. Come on producers, we’re not looking for an Oscar film. This isn’t the King’s Speech. This is action. Have some fun. Give me some catch phrases.

Instead of giving me a lackluster Jason Statham, with zero charisma and zero emotion. At best, Stratham is the partner that gets killed 3 days before his retirement. He is not leading man material. Also, not buying James Franco as a bad guy, Kate Bosworth as an addict, and I wasn’t even aware the Winona Rider was still alive.

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In short, Homefront will make you wish you had stayed at home. If Stallone is looking to revise 80’s style action flicks, might I suggest more “Beverly Hills Cop’ and less “Roadhouse”. Give the audience a little relief from the tension now and then, and give me a leading man that I actually like. In Homefront, I didn’t really care if Broker made it or not. Hell, I didn’t even care about his cat.

Watch the trailer below.

Movie Review: Frozen (2013)

Frozen-movie-poster 11Frozen

3.5 stars

Frozen is the newest animated release from Disney, and is already crushing it at the box office. Let’s see why.

Frozen follows Anna as she tries to stop a prophesy that cause eternal winter in her land. She teams up with a mountain man and his sidekick reindeer to defeats her evil sibling, The Snow Queen. It‘s a standard quest movie, with the eternal optimist and her evil counterpart bent on world domination.

Frozen was a great change from this year’s releases of sub-par children’s movies. While the story line is been-there-done-that, the movie itself certainly isn’t and Frozen is absolutely refreshing.

The heroine, Anna is voiced by Kristen Bell and Bell does a great job of giving perky Anna a back-story and a personality. In addition, Idina Menzael does a great job of making her evil character, The Snow Queen, compelling and sympathetic.

Of course, like in any Disney film, this is a musical, so you’ll have to deal with the characters breaking into song now and then. Generally, I’m not a huge fan of musicals, but Menzael, a Broadway veteran, is a pleasure to listen to.[more…]

The best part of the film is the animation. It is simply beautiful. The 3D style characters manager to be cute, like the ones in Shrek, and not creepy, like the ones in The Polar Express. Sorry, The Polar Express just creeped me out, I don’t care how much everyone else liked it.

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The story itself is a loose rework of Hans Christian Anderson’s ‘The Snow Queen’, though it is significantly funnier and more uplifting.

A cute side character, a snowman with a sun fetish, Olaf, is voiced by Josh Gad and provides much of the comic relief for the film. Weirdly, the Snowman’s animation doesn’t really seem to fit with the rest of the film. The characters are Disney real, while the snowman is straight up goofy looking.

The main problem from this film is the musical portion. In almost every major Disney musical, at least one song makes the charts. You probably won’t be able to expect that from Frozen. The majority of the songs are half hearted Broadway knockoffs. There won’t be any ‘Whole New World’s” or “Under the Sea’s” coming out of this movie.

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One thing I always mention when reviewing a kid’s movie is the parental annoyance factors. Think of it this way, on a scale from most annoying to parents 10 (Barney) to enjoyable to adults 1 (Shrek), this movie scores an even 5. It is unlikely that adults will be racing out the door to see it, but they won’t want to gouge their eyes out when kids drag them to see it.

Frozen is hardly a ground breaking idea. It’s standard good Disney princess, versus evil Disney queen. However, Disney is sure to get laughs out of the audience, as well as a huge amount of product merchandizing sales from this movie. It’s an enjoyable movie that really doesn’t do anything new, but it’s fun all the same. It’s a predictable film, but it’s beautifully animated and safe for the whole family.  Watch the Trailer below

 

Movie Review: Contracted (2013)

contracted 1YOU WILL NEVER THINK OF A HOOK-UP THE SAME AGAIN.

3.5 stars

If you thought those STD movies they made everyone watch in health class in high school were scary, Contracted will make you never even look at a member of the opposite sex again.

Samantha (Najarra Townsend), a lesbian on the outs with her lady, heads out to a party. She meets a mystery man and winds up doing the unprotected, dirty deed with him in a car. She wakes up in the morning with a case of possibly the most progressive STD in the world. Her eyes are turning red. Her hair, nails and teeth are falling out. She has a sore on her lip that would make Herpes seem like a blessing. The majority of the movie focuses on Samantha trying to find out exactly what her diagnosis is, as her heath deteriorates and weird things keep happening.

This is one of those movies I’m so-so about. On one hand, I like the way the stigma and denial of STDs was dealt with. Much like any person who might have an STD, the main character is more worried about hiding her illness than she is treating her illness. For awhile, it’s believable that she would prefer to hide her condition, rather than treat it. [more…]

Then, we get 30 minutes in and she looks like something out of “The Walking Dead”. But instead of checking herself into the nearest quarantine, she just slaps on some big glasses and heads out to a restaurant where she serves food to the unsuspecting public. Even as maggots crawl out of her skin and her fingernails fall off, none of her friends mention her condition. Hell, one particularly desperate dude continues to hit on her.

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Most horror movies require incredibly stupid characters in order to advance the plot, and this gory flick is no exception. The character goes to a gynecological exam, where she doesn’t even remove her pants and accepts a big fat “I don’t know” from her quack of a doctor without asking for a second opinion.

Finally, Contracted could have easily been called “Slut Shaming” without losing much of the point of this movie, because this movie is rife with slut shaming. We have a dubious consent scene at the beginning that is apparently all the characters fault because she got drunk at a party. Then, the big message of the movie seems to be “if you have sex with a stranger, you will die.”

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Also, I hate the way guys were stereotypically portrayed in the movie. B.J. (mystery dude) was the bad guy who Samantha was drawn to. Riley (Matt Mercer) is the nice guy, that Samantha only turned to after she’s shedding maggots like dogs shed fur. It was the movie equivalent of a guy saying ‘girls only like a**holes. Nice guys finish last.”

The movie comes with a surprise ending, which is nice. I always like a good twist.

In short, Contracted is a decent B style, body horror flick. The people who did the makeup were absolute fantastic. It has all the right ingredients for a good B Horror, including a clueless heroin getting punished for having sex, lots of gore, and stereotypical characters. But it manages to end in a surprising way. While Contracted probably won’t go viral, it’s still worth the watch.

You can Watch the Trailer for Contracted below.

MOVIE REVIEW: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)

Hunger Games 2Just as Hungry as the First

four and a half stars

This is going to be less of a movie review and more of a long, stalkeresque love letter to Jennifer Lawrence. Ok, well I might talk about the movie a little bit at least. Let’s start with the premise.

Unless you live under a rock or are Amish (unsure of why Amish people would be using the internet), you know that Catching Fire is the 2nd installment in the Hunger Games trilogy, a wildly successful movie franchise modeled after the wildly successful novels. In this installment Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) has just won the 74th installment of the Hunger Games and must go on a world wide victory tour with co-winner Peeta (Josh Hutcherson). Unfortunately, Katniss’ stunt at the Hunger Games peeved off the wrong people and if anything, her life gets more dangerous than it ever was while she was in the arena.

The movie stayed true to the book, which is very important to most fans. It was just as visually stunning, if not more so, as the original as well. Francis Lawrence takes the reins for directing this one and does a fantastic job with timing and scenes. The special effects struck the right balance between realistic and surreal. They were otherworldly, without being cartoony.

The real stand out here was the cast though. In this installment, Jennifer Lawrence still manages to play sullen, closed off Katniss in a way that also makes her appear sweet and idealistic. Josh Hutcherson reprised his role quite well. My personal favorite was the new addition, Jena Malone, playing Johanna. Whenever an actress is confident enough to handle her first scene, while stripping down to nothing in an elevator, all I can do is applaud. Johanna was one of my favorite characters in the book, so it was good to see a person cast who could do the roll justice. [more…]

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Of course, it’s no surprise that this movie is filled with tension.  Simon Beaufoy, award winning screen writer of Slumdog Millionaire, penned the script. If you’re looking for a fantastic balance between action and character driven plot, Beaufoy is the person to do it.

Catching Fire managed to encompass a wide range of genres without being confusing. There are no obnoxious subplots or unnecessary characters. Every single actor in this film clearly gave their all to the part, making this movie just as good as the original.

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As far as I’m concerned, this is one of the few films out there that actually earned its blockbuster status. People could have gotten lazy. They could have relied on the popularity of the books to get die hard fans into the theater. Instead, they turned this movie franchise into something that can be appreciated by people who have never read the books.

While some have complained about the lack of visual appeal, I have to say it was appropriate to tone it down a bit for this installment. This is a middle movie and as a result, it’s job is to actually be the link between the beginning and end. Traditionally, the link movie’s job is to build characters that conclude in the final installments.   With a cast like Catching Fire had, they certainly met that requirement.

Catching Fire is certainly worth a trip to the theater. Just keep in mind; you might have to wait in line.

Here’s the trailer below. If you have seen the movie – Rate, Review and Earn some points!!

Movie Review: Delivery Man (2013)

DeliveryManMoviePosterDelivery Man – Please Return to Sender
1 star

 

I’m going to go ahead and admit I went into this movie expecting to hate it. Well, I have to say, this movie exceeded my expectations. I didn’t just hate it. I loathed it.

The premise of Delivery Man is that a man addicted to donating sperm, David Wozniak (Vince Vaughn), finds that there was a lawsuit worthy mix up at the sperm bank he went to. He is the biological father of 533 children, and is being sued by 142 of them. Also, he’s an underachiever, who is in debt to the mob, and has just knocked up his way too hot for him girlfriend.

First, I would absolutely love to nail this movie under my ‘ridiculous premise’ clause. Unfortunately, I can’t. Even though the story sounds ridiculous, reality is actually even more ridiculous because this has happened before. Dr. Kirk Maxy, of Michigan, estimates he has fathered over 400 children due to regular sperm donations in the 80’s. So the premise, while stupid in my opinion, is valid.

Here’s the issue I had with the premise. A child of sperm donor, wishing to find their biological father, is a serious issue filled with roadblocks and heartache. I would have preferred this issue be dealt with maturely, rather than with slapstick antics played out by the exceptionally unfunny Vince Vaughn.

Ugh, and Vince Vaughn. How many times do we really need to watch him play a lackluster loser before we all just accept the fact that it’s not an act? Vince Vaughn has done this role to death and I am completely over it. [more…]

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This is a movie that was trying way too hard and it shows it. It stumbles through clichéd plotlines and clumsy dialog, into one unfunny scene after another. Vaughn pretends to not speak English when a lawyer comes to speak to him at his apartment. Oh, Delivery Man, what a refreshing, hilarious scene that has never been done before. Please read that last sentence with a seriously sarcastic slant.

The attempts at heart warming, tear jerking drama are even worse than the forced humor. In a movie that is supposed to be a light hearted comedy, they toss in a heroin addict in the midst of an overdose. Luckily, David’s extensive experience as a meat truck driver allows him to save the day and his biological heroin addicted kid.

Also, all of these kids, even the heroin addict, seem amazingly well adjusted. I guess they were the generation that statistics forgot. For all intents and purposes, among 500 kids, at least 20 would be suffering from some kind of chronic mental illness, while another 30 would be alcoholics. But no, all these kids are normal, well adjusted 20 somethings.

Apparently, Vince Vaughn has magic sperm.

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Another thing that just drove me nuts is the pairing of Vince Vaughn, with girlfriend Emma (Cobie Smulders). Enough with the fat slob/hot girlfriend pairing. I was not buying Emma as David’s girlfriend. At best, I would have bought her as the girl David was stalking.

I really wish that I could find something good to say about this movie, but I can’t. They took a compelling premise and turned it into insensitive slapstick humor. The jokes didn’t land. The actors had no chemistry. The dialog was terrible and the heartfelt moments were cheesy and forced. Even the run time, at 1 hour and 43 minutes, was about 1 hour and 43 minutes too long.

What do you think?  If you saw Delivery Man rate it for yourself and Earn some Points!