Movie Review: Entourage (2015) – Meandering, Plotless and Completely Pointless

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A long time ago, when I was doing some court ordered community service (don’t ask) I worked with a vet tech who did cat vaccinations for low income families just about all day long. She had a weird way of referring to every cat as a ‘pussycat’. I worked with her for 160 hours and I was pretty sure I’d never hear someone use the word ‘pussy’ so much again.

Then, I watched this pile of cash grabbing crap.

Entourage ended in 2011. Despite the guys behaving like a bunch of locker room douchebags, and the open misogyny, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it and I was perfectly satisfied with the ending. It was one of the few long running series that I felt did not need to be wrapped up with a movie. But apparently, HBO thought they could squeeze a bit more money out of it and went ahead with the movie anyway.

The original cast returns, led by Adrian Grenier as Vince Chase. Pretty much all the popular characters reprise their roles, regardless of where they left off at the end of the series. The plot moves forward by a common career shift in Hollywood. Pretty boy actor Vince is trying to direct his first motion picture, on a $100 million budget. Of course, he’s already late and over budget. Then, you have his buddies, bouncing around Hollywood and drooling over boobs. The biggest plotline any other character gets is Johnny Drama having a tape of him pleasuring himself go viral.

There’s a bunch of unnecessary celebrity cameos that were apparently crammed in for the purpose of making the movie more marketable. When the boys see Liam Neeson at a stoplight, one of them yells “Hey Schindler, save every Jew.”

Real current joke, guys. It took me like five minutes to get, and Schindler’s List is one of my favorite movies.

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This much hyped movie was kind of a waste. It was meandering, plotless and completely pointless. I felt like I was eavesdropping on a bunch of adolescent boys in a locker room. You know, the kind that brag about getting laid without ever actually getting laid.

It’s pretty much nothing but tits, locker room humor, and more tits. Vince charms, Ari yells, and Johnny Drama is always second best. This wasn’t so much a movie as it was an excuse to get people to open their wallets for a show that ended three years ago. I can’t blame HBO. I mean look how much they raked in from Sex in the City. The problem here was that Entourage was already wrapped up pretty nicely. We didn’t need to see more.

In fact, all I really want to do is forget I saw it at all.

Apparently, America feels the same way as me, because it flopped at the box office on opening weekend, raking in only about $10 million. That’s about $48 million less than the first Sex in the City movie made in 2008. Here’s hoping that disappointing result will keep them from making a sequel.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

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Movie Review: Barely Lethal – Felt Like A Made For TV Movie

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While Barely Lethal is getting thoroughly panned by the critics, I do have to give it points for originality of the premise alone.

Barely Lethal is a unique mix of Mean Girls, Clueless and with a bit of La Femme Nakita thrown in. Our heroine is Megan, a girl who has been trained since birth to be a secret agent. Megan is a girl obsessed with living a normal life and spends her non-assassin time binge watching teenage comedies about high school. Finally, after having enough she fakes her own death and signs herself up as a normal teenage high school girl.

All and all, a great premise. The problem is it feels like the movie barely left the pitch phase. It was like they were in a hurry to make it, before anyone else came up with the idea. Its characters are poorly fleshed out teenage caricatures. Despite the fact that the cast is pretty star studded, this feels like a made for TV movie.

The idea that being in high school is more perilous than being a super spy is incredibly intriguing and this could have been a major hit. The issue is that they didn’t move this movie beyond its idea to an actual strong storyline, like with Mean Girls or Pretty in Pink.

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Of course, because this is a spy movie as well, there’s lots of car chases and fight scenes between classes. That kind of makes up for the humdrum acting and poor dialog. The problem is many of them were so nonsensical they didn’t seem to fit, even with this crazy premise.

There was so much room for excellent dialog in this. Dialog along the lines of Sucker Punch. But then they fought for that PG rating, when honestly, a movie like this doesn’t require a PG rating. If they’d gone all in, instead of shying away from a more adult audience, this would have been great.

The problem is they seemed a bit confused as to who their audience was. They tried to focus it on kids, when the premise was more adult. They tried to keep it clean, when it would have been better if they played it dirty. After all, the leads in this aren’t afraid of an R rating.

Heather, the main mean girl is played by Sophie Turner, who also plays Sansa Stark in games of Thrones. If she can be in a TV show that can’t go five minutes without a graphic sex scene, she can be a character with a bit of edge. Despite an incredibly edgy premise, the movie just doesn’t go there.

All in all, I have to say I was incredibly disappointed. There was a cast and a storyline that had a lot of potential. The missing ingredient was the actual writing. Strong dialog could have sold this movie. Better characters could have sold this movie. Instead, they refused to move this past pitch and came up with a halfhearted effort that could have been great.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

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Movie Review: Aloha – Stone Over Acts, Cooper Under Acts, And Murray Only Shines In Comedic Scenes

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Despite its heavy marketing campaign, it appears that Cameron Crowe’s latest rom-com has flopped at the box office. I’m starting to think Crowe’s heyday was the late 90s, early 2000s, with films like Jerry McGuire and Say Anything. I have a feeling Vanilla Sky might have broken him, because I haven’t seen anything worthwhile come from him in a very long time.

Aloha is the final anchor pulling him into his downward spiral.

In present day Hawaii, with absolutely no Hawaiian people, Bradley Cooper plays Brian Gilcrest, a defense contractor who has returned to Hawaii for a space program job. Rachel McAdams plays Tracy, his former lady love who is now married to pilot Woody (John Krasinski). Just because, they dump in another love interest Allison Ng (Emma Stone) who is his Air Force handler. At first they don’t get along, then he decides to team up with her to stop evil mastermind Carson Welch (Bill Murray) who is there to launch a weapons satellite.

Yeah, that’s right. At the last minute, it gets really, really weird and turns into some kind of action thriller over a rom com. It’s like two short scripts crammed together for the purpose of making a movie and it didn’t work.

Despite the star studded cast, no one really pulls through in their rolls. Stone over acts, Cooper under acts, and Murray only shines in the comedic scenes, coming off as ridiculous when it comes to more dramatic moments.

I had no idea why Rachel McAdams was even there. It felt like she was just the requisite lab coat wearing love interest, but then you throw in Stone, and there’s no reason for the love interest. Too many characters were trying to be balanced when less would have done the job.

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It feels like Crowe was trying to do something similar to A Foreign Affair, the 1948 romance that managed to balance a cynical look at the black market in post war Germany, with a lighthearted romance. The problem is, Crowe doesn’t seem to have Billy Wilder’s cynicism, and it comes through when the bad guy comes off as incredibly cartoonish.

Crowe used to know his way around a rom-com. He used to be able to balance the nefarious with the sweetness and light of a perfect couple. Like in Say Anything, where he hooked up the uptight girl, with the requisite bad boy, then gummed up the works by turning her dad into a guy who steals from disabled old people.

Aloha doesn’t have that seamless transition. It doesn’t have enough edge to truly pull off the darker parts of the film and it doesn’t have the chemistry to make people watch it for the romance. It’s just a messy, forgettable effort.

This is not going to be the career highlight for anyone involved in the project. Much like I imagine Tom Cruise flinches when someone mentions Vanilla Sky, Cooper will flinch when someone mentions Aloha. It’s just not worth the watch.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

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Movie Review: The Longest Ride – A Mass Produced Pile of Drippy Sugar, wrapped in a Pretty Pink Bow

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Oh, great, another Nicholas Sparks movie. Please read that sentence with the exact inflection that I wrote it with, and you’ll see my overwhelming enthusiasm for this script. Rather than having to actually summarize this movie, I’m just going to go head and summarize every single Nicholas Sparks movie ever made.

A fun and interesting boy from the wrong side of the tracks meets an uptight priss with a stick in her rear. Turns out, uptight priss has a good reason for said stick. Insert one of the following clichés; overbearing mother, caricature of an abusive ex, or tragic past. Make sure no one wants them to be together, because the characters always live in a world where no one in the universe can mind their own business. Bring it all home by tossing in some old people for a bit of 20/20 hindsight about the enduring power of love.

And you have a Nicholas Sparks movie. That formula (and late 30s spinsters) is the whole reason Nicholas Sparks has a career. If movies were food, Nicholas Spark movies would be heads of iceberg lettuce. They’re not particularly memorable, but they sell in bulk because boring people like them. This movie is no exception. It’s simply a bunch of rehashed plotlines pulled out of the Sparks-O-Matic 3000.

The clichés are Southern and thorough. Their first date is a picnic barbeque where Sophia, our idiot main character swoons, “no one has ever done this for me before,” when her rodeo hunk brings her some take-out barbeque.

Really, lady? Really? No one has ever brought you take out? It might be time to raise your standards.

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The dialog is trite and idiotic. A few sample lines include “time is precious’ and “love requires sacrifice”. The lines they spewed made me face palm myself into a near concussion.

There’s plenty of north meets south, from Manhattan galleries, to southern rodeos. They toss in some line dancing (which no one has done since 1998) and some ballroom dancing (which no one has done since 1898) for good measure. On its own, with a City Slickers vibe, this might have been a cute story.

I didn’t particularly care about the characters and I didn’t find that they had much chemistry. Britt Robertson as Sophia was utterly forgettable and Scott Eastwood felt like he was in the wrong movie. I felt like he genuinely did get lost on the way to the rodeo. It might have been wise if Scott had followed the path of daddy dearest and went strict western because this effort was just embarrassing.

Alan Alda charmed, of course, but Alan Alda always charms. You could cast the guy as Hitler and people in the audience would start thinking “well, maybe Hitler was just misunderstood.” This was a case of one good actor rising above the script, while the rest rested on bad dialog and Nicholas Sparks’ name.

This was a financially brilliant mess. A mass produced pile of drippy sugar, wrapped in a bunch of pretty pink bows, and delivered to the doors of cat ladies everywhere. It will probably make millions.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

 

 

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Movie Review: Hot Tub Time Machine 2 – Everything The First Movie Did Right, This One Did Wrong

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The first Hot Tub Time Machine surprised me. I expected it to be stupid, and I’ll admit it was, but there was also a strange kind of genius that made it enjoyable. The over the top film was almost a parody, and the actors were in on the joke. So when the first one succeeded, I knew it was only a matter of time until we saw a sequel.

We meet our heroes 10 years after the original Hot Tub. They’re all living lives of immense wealth and success, but they’re feeling like something is missing. One thing that’s missing for sure is John Cusack, who wasn’t available for the sequel. So they shoehorned in Adam Scott, playing Cusack’s kid. Losing the closet thing to a hero the original film had was extremely damaging, resulting in a movie that’s mainly about sidekicks. None of the guys in this one had the chops to play a hero.

The entire plot focuses on Lou getting shot in the penis. Yes, I wrote that right. After Lou takes a bullet to the junk, the entire crew goes back to the time machine to find the would-be assassin. This time, they head on out to the future, 2025 and recycle the same jokes from the past.

Everything the first movie did right, this one did wrong. One of the best parts of the first film was the focus on the 1980s, which the movie’s demographic grew up in. The nostalgia of the ridiculous clothes and haircuts was enough to make most laugh out loud. This one takes us to a 2025 where the only thing that shows us it’s the future is self driving cars, and men wearing paisley.

The future looks bleak.

The gags are sick, homophobic and uncomfortable for everyone involved. They lack the humor of the original movie and instead, just focus on a lot of butt sex and gay jokes, along with a bride inexplicably turning into a dominatrix on her wedding day.

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It felt like a bunch of really unfunny Saturday Night Live sketches strung together at the last minute, resulting in a confusing, disjointed plot that really didn’t have the same level of silly fun as the original.

The best word to describe this movie is ‘desperate’. It was a shameless cash grab, and it shows in the script. It’s like they created a check-off list of things that were funny in the first movie, and decided to cram them into this script with no thought whatsoever for the end product.

All the charm of the first movie has been sucked out and instead, turned into a recycled jumbled mess with none of the laugh out loud moments you’d expect from a movie about a Hot Tub that’s a time machine. It’s disappointing and depressing and it feels like something is missing.

I think that something is John Cusack. He’s the one that really brought the story together in the first movie. The other characters, while funny, are not leading men. They’re comic relief. When the comedy is lacking, there’s no need for it.

All in all, I’d like to go back in time and warn myself not to watch this. It sullied my impression of the original. I think it’s time to drain this hot tub.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

 

 

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Movie Review: Black Hat (2015) – somebody give Hemsworth back his hammer

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The best way to describe Blackhat is to call it a movie about hackers, written by people who’ve never met any real hackers. I mean really, a buff Chris Hemsworth playing a dude who allegedly spends 15+ hours a day on a computer? I doubt Chris Hemsworth even knows how to turn his computer on in real life. Hackers get so good at computers because they spend so much time on computers and no time in the gym. You want to know what a real hacker looks like? Find the doughiest IT guy at your company, and add 50 pounds.

Sorry, rant over. Back to the movie.

Nicholas Hathaway (Chris Hemsworth) is behind bars because he’s a master computer criminal. Of course, he isn’t so good that he managed to avoid getting caught. Anyway, some cyber villain who is just as good as him (probably better, actually because he didn’t get caught) has hacked into the computer of a Chinese nuclear reactor. In order to stop a disaster, they toss in Chen Dawai (Leehom Wang), a computer expert who proposes reaching out to the Americans. Of course, he decides to go with Hathaway and the two set up the nerdiest buddy cop team ever.

The unfortunate part of this movie is the fact that the writers clearly didn’t know how to make computer crimes interesting, so they had to turn Hemsworth into some buff action figure who’s throwing punches and breaking jaws every few minutes. That’s a shame, because the hacking in and of itself could have been interesting. To prove that, I bring up the much better 90s cult hit “Hackers”.

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That was a hacker movie that actually features hacking and people who looked like they could be hackers. In this one, I kept on waiting for Hemsworth to yank out his magic hammer and give them all the Thor smackdown.

The dialog and acting was wooden, which is a shame because Hemsworth already proved he could act in Rush. I think he might have started phoning it once he realized this movie was being released in January. i.e. the new release graveyard.

The plotline is murky and filled with holes. I mean, these people are looking for a hacker so good they can’t catch him. So they go with a hacker they already caught to help? Also, I highly doubt China needs our help with anything. They’ve been kicking our butts in technology for the last 2 decades. I highly doubt the first people they turn to are the American’s when they have problems.

The lady characters were there to be nothing more than T&A. Honestly, Dawai’s sister shows up on the scene, allegedly because she’s a master hacker too, but spends most of her time batting her eyelashes at Thor…I mean Nicholas.

If you’re going to make a movie about computers, actually consult with some people who know things about computers. Maybe hire someone who actually has a background in hacking. Otherwise, expect an audience full of snickering IT guys.

Blackhat had potential, but instead of making it an intellectual action, they just went straight action and ruined the effect. For god’s sake, somebody give Hemsworth back his hammer before he ruins any more movies.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

 

 

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Movie Review: After the Fall (2014) – Silly plotting and unconvincing psychology creates a cinematic dud.

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I’ve never accused a movie poster of false advertising, until now. When I saw the name “After the Fall”, with a grizzled guy standing in front of the American flag holding a gun, I was expecting a blood spattered, incredibly tacky action flick. Instead, what I got was a study of morality and how far it will take an average Joe during the direst of circumstances.

Darn it.

We meet Bill Scanlon (Wes Bentley) as he’s poking around in a car at a scrap metal yard. Because he used to be an insurance agent, we think he’s there to work a claim. Turns out, he’s an out of work insurance agent who just can’t get insurance out of his blood. Scanlon still can’t bear to tell his wife and young sons about the loss of his job, so he leaves the house in the morning every day and returns at night like he’d been working all day. Generally, in real life, someone could only pull off this feat for about a week. In movie time it goes on for like… I don’t know a decade? Just know it’s a ridiculously long time. After realizing that people might start to notice he’s got no money coming in, he robs couple at gunpoint and so starts his career as a bank robber.

This movie was clearly meant to be psychological, in kind of a ‘what would you do?” scenario. The problem is, all of this is so unbelievable. First off, I get that they want to make this guy white collar in order to show how far down he’s sunk, but hasn’t anyone told the writers of this movie that the insurance industry is actually booming right now?

Next is how fast this guy decides on the whole ‘life of crime’ route, rather than just filing for unemployment like a normal person. One minute he’s broke, and the next he’s like “hey, you know what? I think I’ll rob people now.” If you’re going to turn a movie like this into a psychological study, then you need to actually write a character in a way that a normal person could actually relate to. Give the guy more reason to turn to crime rather than, “I lost my job in insurance.”

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I mean, I worked in insurance before. When I left that job, I don’t walk out all forlorn. I pretty much back-flipped out of the building.

The scenery and symbolism are overdone. It’s like they couldn’t be intellectual with plot, so they decided to do it with scenery and contrast. They contrasted water with the harsh desert landscape of New Mexico so many times, I spent half the movie in the bathroom.

Silly plotting and unconvincing psychology makes this movie not buyable, despite all the lofty dialog. Though there is one thing I did like about this film.

That would be the grizzled, hard drinking detective played by Jason Isaacs. This law man has no morals and could have come right out of an Elmore Leonard screenplay. He was possibly the most well written, dimensional character, but he was only a bit part player, compared to how long the lead spent moping about.

“After the Fall” fell a bit flat for me, and I can’t even say this one was worth the watch.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

 

 

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Movie Review: Dying of the Light (2014) – An intellectually void, sloppy effort

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I have a theory about how Nicholas Cage picks scripts. His agent hands him a pile to read and Cage hands them right back after saying “I’ll take them all”. 343 days have passed this year, and I’m pretty sure Nichols Cage has made 342 movies.

This is a movie that had a lot of drama to start with, when the notably temperamental Paul Schrader left the movie after he stated changes were made to just about everything without his consent. Apparently, he had so much trouble with the changes, he got a couple of partners from the movie, Nichols Cage and Executive producer Nicholas Winding Rern to wear T-shirts featuring their non-disparagement agreements from their contracts. I guess it was their way of speaking out against the changes when they really couldn’t speak out. Based on how little faith the main players in the movie had in it, I was expecting to see a massive flop.

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My expectations were met.

The movie stars Evan Lake (Cage), a CIA employee who, 22 years after being captured and tortured by a Muslim fundamentalist named Muhammad Banir (Alexander Karim), receives two pieces of life changing news. First, he has a degenerative brain condition that is leading to complete dementia. Second, the man who captured and tortured him years before might still be alive. With the help of Milton (Yelchin), a CIA colleague, Lake decides to go rogue and find Banir himself. On its face, this is a ‘nothing left to lose’ action movie. The problem with it is that they tried to make it more artistic than action.

Schaeder, who wrote Taxi Driver, knows how to mix action and intellect, so I’m starting to think that there is something to be said of the changes they made without his permission. The pacing of the final product is awkward. There is no intellect. Instead, there is about an hour of vigorous patriotism and the belief that America has lost all its values. Instead of coming across as an intelligent review of the current state of our country, it comes across as more soldier sniffing and lecturing.

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The scenes cut around and don’t seem like they’re cognitively melded together. The movie jumps around a lot, but not in a clever way. In addition, there’s very little build. I mean, Lake is hunting down a man who is so ill he can’t even get out of his chair.

I can’t blame Schrader for this mess, nor can I blame the leads. Whoever put the final work together did a sloppy job and clearly lost whatever meaning Schrader was going for. Without seeing it uncut, I can’t say for sure, but I imagine the Schrader would have done things a lot differently.

This movie is an action movie without the tension. When you’re dealing with ‘nothing to lose’ characters, you tread the line of making people not care about them. In this case, I felt like I never got to know them. This was an intellectual movie that only scratched the surface of the conflicts America faces right now. It was a bit like asking a 15-year-old their views on politics.

Dying of the Light was a disappointing effort. Even more unsettling, the leads were disappointed with it before it ever came out. My suggestions are that moviegoers avoid this one… and that Nicholas Cage actually starts reading the scripts before he accepts the part.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

 

 

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Movie Review: Ouija – Like the real game, All Hype no Substance.

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It’s horror season at the movie theater and one film that has been in the spotlight is the heavily marketed Ouija board. You know, the mystical board game that doesn’t work. I have to admit, I’m a little surprised it hasn’t been done before.

In Ouija, we meet a gang of highly photogenic high school friends who have just lost one of their equally photogenic friends to suicide. Of course, these kids can’t take the hint and elect to contact their friend via a Ouija board (which I’m assuming Hasbro has an excessive stock of and is looking to unload.)

Let’s be honest. Game board movies don’t really do so well. Clue was utterly clueless and Battleship sank pretty fast. But I have to admit, it takes some pretty big cojones to try again.

Cojones aside, the effort still falls a bit flat.

To start off, they had to find a way to contrive to get the main character into her friend’s house in order for the game to work. What do they do? They have a couple of grieving parents ask a teenage girl to house-sit for them. You know, because teenagers are such great house sitters.

 

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On the upside, instead of throwing a massive kegger and destroying all their stuff, our heroine Elaine instead opens a portal to the other side. How this happens isn’t 1000% clear, as teenagers have been messing with Ouija boards for decades. But I guess in a universe where people turn their homes over to the care of a 17-year-old girl, that’s fine.

But it’s not really scary. In fact, the plot is a bit recycled from final destination, with a group of teens being marked for death because they played the wrong game while asking the wrong questions. That’s good enough, but then they have to throw a murder mystery in there as well and everything gets a bit confusing.

There is no gore, and it’s one of the few horrors that earned itself a PG-13 rating, so it might be great for people who don’t like their movies too scary. It comes across not exactly groundbreaking or memorable. The effects however are well done. It’s certainly not a low budget job.

It’s just nothing special. While teenagers might find this movie entertaining, adults might get a little ‘bored’ with Ouija. The scares are recycled from various other films. There’s a jump scare or two as well. But it’s just not that entertaining.

One the upside, they didn’t go with the found footage gimmick, which was great. The cast was proficient but forgettable. Ouija just fails itself with a miserable plot line, or should I say plot lines

Maybe it’s because games are a poor inspiration for movies, or maybe it’s because in an age where you can attend a séance on Skype, no one’s really scared of a board game anymore. For whatever reason, Ouija failed to live up to its hype. Much like the real Ouija game, it’s all hype and no substance. This is one to skip.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

 

 

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Movie Review: As Above, So Below (2014) – Tombraider Without the Action and ‘Blair Witch’ Without the Runny Nose

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Believe it or not, I watched this gem over Labor Day weekend.  Unlike the 4th of July, no companies wanted to release movies on Labor Day weekend. Yeah, I don’t get it either, but whatever. I mention this because until recently, I’ve been trying to boycott found footage movies. I find that Hollywood is overrun with them, despite that fact that just about no one wants to see them anymore. But this week, As Above, So Below was the big budget horror release, so I figured I’d give it a shot. After all, at the very least, I’d get to write a hilarious bad review out of it.

As Above, So Below is a horror set in the miles of twisting catacombs beneath the streets of Paris. These catacombs, as most people know, contain a whole butt-load of dead bodies. So of course a team of explorers with their very own camera head on down to get murdered there.

There is one single good thing about this movie. The setting. The setting is naturally creepy, so putting a horror movie in it seems like a great idea.

Well, at least it did until this movie was made. Things happen that are supposed to be scary, but just leave you bored. A spooky rotary phone appears out of nowhere. Masked figures roam the halls. The deeper the team goes into the catacombs, the more confusing everything gets.

Found footage (god, so sick of that gimmick) does not work in a cave setting, mainly because people can’t see anything. So for the majority of the movie, you sit in the dark and listen to scary things rustle. Oh no! Not rustling.

The biggest horror I faced when watching the movie was getting motion sickness. With the way the camera jounces around without settling, you’ll probably get sick too. Be sure to pack your Dramamine.

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This is a movie that’s set in a traditional horror setting, then tries to go psychological thriller. The problem with that is the two don’t work together. I’m expecting scary monsters. Not cryptic rhyming poetry and a ghost phone.

The catacomb spelunkers bring nothing to the film. They’re simply a generic group of clichés that reminds us all of that horrible film “The Blair Witch project” which I’m still convinced only became popular by people playing tricks on friends by claiming it was good and forcing them to watch it.

Hollywood, it wasn’t good. It was awful. Please stop.

 

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I really don’t understand using a setting as beautiful as Paris and then going with the tired found footage technique. For the majority of the movie, you can barely see anything. They could have filmed this thing in a WalMart and no one would have been the wiser.

Oh god, and the forced conflict. One of the main characters George is deathly afraid of caves…because fear of caves is a very common phobia when you consider how many we come across in our every day life. But his fear is founded because as a child he saw his younger brother drown in a cave.

That’s right, the cave didn’t collapse on the younger brother. He drowned…in a cave. That’s like being trapped in a burning building and dying because you got locked in the freezer.

In short, the movie is Tombraider without the action and The Blair Witch Project without the runny nose. It’s a tired, recycled forgettable effort that will leave you suppressing yawns rather than screams.

WE GAVE IT: 2 Stars – Watch the Official Trailer and Official Movie Poster below!

2 Stars

 

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